Category Archives: Dips & Sauces

Why I stopped making recipes

A vegan version of shepherd's pie with mushrooms, chickpeas, lentils, veggies, and a crispy sweet potato topping.

A vegan version of shepherd’s pie with mushrooms, chickpeas, lentils, veggies, and a crispy sweet potato topping.

So as you probably know, this entire blog went silent after its last post published on February 10th. Why? Several reasons.

First of all, I got fat and lazy, literally. Shortly after Christmas I went from 135 pounds back up to 180, and it literally took less than 4 months. I know this because I was recording my weight near the end of March, and I was exactly 167.2 on the 19th of March and 179.6 on the 6th of April. This was after I had went from 210 to 140 within a year and couldn’t maintain my weight as I kept dropping all the way to 135 in 3 months. You can call it metabolic damage, but I’m honestly not too sure what happened… One day, the same day I took the test to become a certified food handler, I started to feel incredibly shaky, and at the time I was speculating that I was developing diabetes since I exhibited a lot of the symptoms. Along with the shakiness, I felt hunger. Insatiable hunger. I have never experienced a hunger so fierce before in my life. I was strongly compelled to shovel every nearby calorie source I could find into my mouth and keep eating until I was ready to explode. I ate lunch at 3 different restaurants that day, and I couldn’t even taste the food at the first two. I had to drown my pho noodles in some weird sauce I found on the table before I could even begin to taste anything. It was unreal, I was out of control, and I couldn’t figure out why I was doing what I was doing. Also my mother came back with lots of sweets from Hungary and some pastries that my grandmother baked on that day as well, and I ate pretty much all of that stuff too. Ever since this bizarre day I’ve been stuffing myself until I couldn’t even move, and one time I actually did end up vomiting. I also went vegan some time in April, but that didn’t stop me from eating bread. My sudden change in weight brought on depression, insecurities, apathy, and my energy levels also completely dropped putting me in no mood to cook, let alone take pictures and write a recipe that no one would ever use.

Second of all, I got a job at a restaurant on the 19th of February. I’m now a full-time Chef de Partie and working my way up. This blog never made me any money, all it did for me was give me something to do besides playing video games and watching Star Trek. I had passion, and I was ready to throw some money at this site, but that passion is 100% GONE. I have better things to do with my life than be a fucking food-blogger. I get paid to cook now, this site is a waste of time, and it finally started feeling like a waste of time.

Thirdly, as stated earlier, I have adopted a vegan diet. I was tired of pretending that I was okay with animals having to die so we can eat their cooked corpses especially if it doesn’t benefit us in any logical way besides satiating our cravings to eat dead animals. Our culture is absolutely fucking disgusting. What about eggs? You mean hen’s periods marketed by an industry that grinds up the male chicks alive because they are of no use to the industry? No, this is not okay. It is FUCKED UP. And dairy? As much as I love sour cream, butter and cheese, what I don’t love is an industry that takes newborn calves away from their mothers (who are literally being milked dry by the way) and sending them off to the veal industry. I’d rather leave the sour cream off of my mushroom paprikash than give my money to these psychopaths.

And lastly, it dawned on me that nobody really cares. Nobody’s really interested in authenticity when it comes to another culture’s cuisine besides the people who belong to said culture. I am fed up with the push to remain true to a culture’s roots rather than experimenting and seeing what works better; it goes against our instinctual nature to evolve and better ourselves, and I don’t want to be part of the group that holds humanity back. This is another one of the reasons I’ve adopted a vegan diet; it seems most vegans nowadays are thriving, significantly more so than health-conscious meat eaters. Humans have the potential to be so much more than stationary obese fatties who on the inside know it’s wrong to kill and eat animals for pure pleasure but still do because they think it’s funny to die a pre-mature gluttonous death of cancer or a heart attack in their 70s. Vegans have a much lower risk of all-cause mortality, and the amount of energy high-carb vegans seem to have is incredible. I have admittedly struggled in my own transition, but I know it’s the right then to do and I’m going to keep doing my best to stay on track. I really don’t care if meat would help me lose weight, I cannot bring myself to eat another animal ever again.

Look at you. You probably follow a bunch of blogs, leave nice comments such as “Wow these look amazing! I plan to try them!” but do you ever actually try them? Of course you don’t. You’re not helping anybody. Your kindness means nothing to me. I don’t care about compliments, all I care about are results, and this website did not provide me with results.

I may start some other projects in the future, but this site is done, and my passion for cooking has reached an end. I will continue to work as a chef until I find my new calling. I’ve always had a thing for marine biology…

 

Also, go vegan. I don’t want to hear SHIT about how you “need” your meat. There is NO reason to have meat in your mouth unless you’re gay. Just shut the fuck up and carb the fuck up.

-Christopher

Scallop Linguine with Wine Sauce – A Beginner’s Guide to Sauce Making

Pan-seared scallops served with linguine pasta in wine sauce.

So I was in the kitchen experimenting again, just like when I came up with that Garlic Shrimp Spaghetti à la Béchamel dish. Although this time instead of testing the efficacy of almond milk in a béchamel sauce, my goal was to 1. Learn how to cook scallops and 2. Practice making sauces, in general.

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Körözött (Liptauer)

Spicy cheese spread.

(Pronunciation: Kuh-ruh-zuht)

Körözött, liptauer, spicy cheese spread, whatever the fuck you call it, this is körözött, a spicy Hungarian cheese spread typically served with bell peppers, chips, or as a bread spread for an open-sandwich. Perfect for a quick morning breakfast combined with a cup of coffee or tea! (´・ω・`)

Now I’m a continental-European-sweet-carbohydrates-for-breakfast kind of person, but on the weekends, when I cook breakfast for my mother (who’s more keen on an English-style breakfast), I’ll usually whip up some protein, which is usually an egg dish of sorts. Until I discovered kör– actually my mom doesn’t like körözött so I only make it for myself. ;-;

So basically every Hungarian family is supposed to have their own super-secret körözött recipe, and since my mother doesn’t have one it’s once again down to me!!! So here’s körözött, the way I like it!!! \(^ω^\)

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Onion Gravy

Homemade onion gravy!

Not my recipe since I’ve never made gravy before this, but I figured it was something I had to learn eventually anyway.

Originally I wanted a gravy that I could drizzle on some homemade baked fries so I could experience the taste of poutine again without worrying about extra calories had I gotten the fries deep-fried from Harveys or Fish & Chips (worth every calorie, by the way). Also, a friend that can make poutines? Who wouldn’t love me?!! But since there’s no way I was going to buy an entire animal just to make gravy, I went with a more economic onion gravy instead. (´・ω・`) So here’s the best onion gravy recipe I could find, although if you got a better one, please leave it in the comment section~!

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Cazíki

Hungarian style tzatziki; with sour cream instead of Greek yogurt and a heaping spoonful of paprika.

Hungarian style tzatziki; with sour cream instead of Greek yogurt and a heaping spoonful of paprika.

(Pronunciation: Tsa-ZEE-kee)

Similar to the Greek sauce known as tzatziki, this is what happens when you teach a Hungarian how to make tzatziki and then leave them to butcher Greek recipes! (´・ω・`) Its taste can only be described as a richer, sweeter and/or slightly spicier tzatziki, but I’m not going to go as far as to say that it’s better than tzatziki because that would make every overly proud Greek teenager furious!

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Tartare Sauce

Homemade tartar sauce!

Homemade tartar sauce!

So ignoring what happened when I tried deep-frying last Friday, I actually learnt a really tasty tartare/tartar sauce recipe that day! (´・ω・`) This thing goes great with French fries, my sweet potato fries recipe, maybe as dip for certain veggies like celery, but for God’s sake, don’t eat this by itself. There’s a reason it’s called a “sauce” and not a “meal”. My mother, who clearly has no idea how to eat, started eating it by itself thinking that that’s a reasonable thing to do, and then a few bites in she started making excuses for why she wasn’t enjoying it. “It’s different from last time.” she said. “You tried something new.” she said. No, mom, it’s literally the exact same sauce. The only difference is that you’re not eating it with fish & chips, you’re eating it by the spoonful. That’s not how you eat it. Jesus Christ… I’m actually kind of angry now. Going to scream into my pillow before I continue writing this…

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Chocolate Syrup

Homemade Nesquik or Hershey style chocolate syrup, without all the weird additives.

After successfully recreating my mother’s tejbegríz, I got the idea of making my own chocolate syrup to intensify the re-experiencing of my unforgettable childhood. (´・ω・`) This works great as a dip for bananas, a dressing for túrós rétes, Greek yogurt, you know, pretty much anything that’s good with chocolate.

And if you’re worried about the taste, don’t worry… this tastes exactly like the real thing. And if it doesn’t, you can always add more sugar.

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Baba Ganoush

Roasted eggplant blended with tahini and spices.

Roasted eggplant blended with tahini and spices.

A lower calorie alternative to hummus which tastes more or less like a lighter hummus, this works as a dip for vegetables, chips, a spread on pita bread or in a sandwich, just do me a favour and don’t eat it like you’d eat yogurt. It’s not a meal on its own.

Oh, and unlike hummus, this recipe doesn’t require a food processor to make! Sure, use one if you have one, but don’t go out and spend money unless you need to! And in this case you don’t! (´・ω・`)

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Hummus

Chickpeas blended with tahini, olive oil, garlic and spices.

The discovery that my body was unable to properly process canola oil (which is the oil that’s in literally every store-bought product that requires oil around here) led me to learning how to make my own hummus. This is the red onion variety that I make, but I also like to make it extra garlicky at times, or even throw in a piece of a red pepper.

It goes excellent with my sweet potato fries recipe, if I do say so myself.

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Tzatziki

Greek yogurt with cucumbers and garlic.

For her birthday, my sister asked me to come up with the best tzatziki recipe and give it to her. I delivered.

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