Author Archives: Chef Treble
Probably not. It has been a long time since this site has been updated, but if I ever do, that’s what I would do with it. Unfortunately, as an actual line cook who works at a real restaurant, I don’t ever feel like cooking outside of work. On top of that, I stopped caring so much about my health and started smoking which appears to have dulled my palate quite a bit, so all those precise ingredient amounts and highly detailed instructions may not ever come back.
However, I do find myself struggling to eat on a daily basis, and I almost never sit down to have a full meal anymore. On top of that, I feel terrible about hosting a site full of recipes involving dead animals and would like to provide alternatives.
I do think about it, but whether or not I will do anything about it is another question.
So as you probably know, this entire blog went silent after its last post published on February 10th. Why? Several reasons.
First of all, I got fat and lazy, literally. Shortly after Christmas I went from 135 pounds back up to 180, and it literally took less than 4 months. I know this because I was recording my weight near the end of March, and I was exactly 167.2 on the 19th of March and 179.6 on the 6th of April. This was after I had went from 210 to 140 within a year and couldn’t maintain my weight as I kept dropping all the way to 135 in 3 months. You can call it metabolic damage, but I’m honestly not too sure what happened… One day, the same day I took the test to become a certified food handler, I started to feel incredibly shaky, and at the time I was speculating that I was developing diabetes since I exhibited a lot of the symptoms. Along with the shakiness, I felt hunger. Insatiable hunger. I have never experienced a hunger so fierce before in my life. I was strongly compelled to shovel every nearby calorie source I could find into my mouth and keep eating until I was ready to explode. I ate lunch at 3 different restaurants that day, and I couldn’t even taste the food at the first two. I had to drown my pho noodles in some weird sauce I found on the table before I could even begin to taste anything. It was unreal, I was out of control, and I couldn’t figure out why I was doing what I was doing. Also my mother came back with lots of sweets from Hungary and some pastries that my grandmother baked on that day as well, and I ate pretty much all of that stuff too. Ever since this bizarre day I’ve been stuffing myself until I couldn’t even move, and one time I actually did end up vomiting. I also went vegan some time in April, but that didn’t stop me from eating bread. My sudden change in weight brought on depression, insecurities, apathy, and my energy levels also completely dropped putting me in no mood to cook, let alone take pictures and write a recipe that no one would ever use.
Second of all, I got a job at a restaurant on the 19th of February. I’m now a full-time Chef de Partie and working my way up. This blog never made me any money, all it did for me was give me something to do besides playing video games and watching Star Trek. I had passion, and I was ready to throw some money at this site, but that passion is 100% GONE. I have better things to do with my life than be a fucking food-blogger. I get paid to cook now, this site is a waste of time, and it finally started feeling like a waste of time.
Thirdly, as stated earlier, I have adopted a vegan diet. I was tired of pretending that I was okay with animals having to die so we can eat their cooked corpses especially if it doesn’t benefit us in any logical way besides satiating our cravings to eat dead animals. Our culture is absolutely fucking disgusting. What about eggs? You mean hen’s periods marketed by an industry that grinds up the male chicks alive because they are of no use to the industry? No, this is not okay. It is FUCKED UP. And dairy? As much as I love sour cream, butter and cheese, what I don’t love is an industry that takes newborn calves away from their mothers (who are literally being milked dry by the way) and sending them off to the veal industry. I’d rather leave the sour cream off of my mushroom paprikash than give my money to these psychopaths.
And lastly, it dawned on me that nobody really cares. Nobody’s really interested in authenticity when it comes to another culture’s cuisine besides the people who belong to said culture. I am fed up with the push to remain true to a culture’s roots rather than experimenting and seeing what works better; it goes against our instinctual nature to evolve and better ourselves, and I don’t want to be part of the group that holds humanity back. This is another one of the reasons I’ve adopted a vegan diet; it seems most vegans nowadays are thriving, significantly more so than health-conscious meat eaters. Humans have the potential to be so much more than stationary obese fatties who on the inside know it’s wrong to kill and eat animals for pure pleasure but still do because they think it’s funny to die a pre-mature gluttonous death of cancer or a heart attack in their 70s. Vegans have a much lower risk of all-cause mortality, and the amount of energy high-carb vegans seem to have is incredible. I have admittedly struggled in my own transition, but I know it’s the right then to do and I’m going to keep doing my best to stay on track. I really don’t care if meat would help me lose weight, I cannot bring myself to eat another animal ever again.
Look at you. You probably follow a bunch of blogs, leave nice comments such as “Wow these look amazing! I plan to try them!” but do you ever actually try them? Of course you don’t. You’re not helping anybody. Your kindness means nothing to me. I don’t care about compliments, all I care about are results, and this website did not provide me with results.
I may start some other projects in the future, but this site is done, and my passion for cooking has reached an end. I will continue to work as a chef until I find my new calling. I’ve always had a thing for marine biology…
Also, go vegan. I don’t want to hear SHIT about how you “need” your meat. There is NO reason to have meat in your mouth unless you’re gay. Just shut the fuck up and carb the fuck up.
(Note: I don’t really like releasing individual oatmeal recipes because of how redundant and easy they are, so I decided I just wanted to compile all my oatmeal knowledge into one post and call it a day. The only exceptions are my apple cinnamon porridge and my steel-cut apple risotto. If I ever make another exception in the future, it’d have to be absolutely amazing.)
I won’t lie, I used to be a health nut. So after reading that cereal is just empty calories and that I should be eating a healthier breakfast, I learnt about porridge, particularly the porridge known as oatmeal. Porridge basically refers to any kind of grainy starch (e.g. rice, quinoa, buckwheat, barley, etc) cooked in water or milk. At the time I didn’t know about the varieties of oats, all I knew was that I didn’t want those shitty microwavable Quaker packets that I always hated as a kid. So I instinctively bought a bag of small rolled porridge oats labeled “quick-oats” and a porridge mix which included whole flaxseeds, both of which were a bad idea. First of all, don’t get a porridge mix, get just the oats and mix them with your own stuff (you can’t even digest whole flaxseeds unless you grind them… what were they thinking when they made that mix?) Second of all, don’t get quick oats. More on that later.
I kept hearing about “steel-cuts”, and got pretty annoyed because I had no what they were. All I know was that I bought into the whole “porridge is the healthiest breakfast” nonsense, and wanted to be healthier. And now, I’m even more annoyed because literally every porridge recipe video you can find on Youtube (besides Jamie Oliver’s video) has some health-nut spaz doing an unnecessary 5-minute introduction talking about his/herself, and/or going on about how healthy oatmeal is as a breakfast following it up with a pretentious porridge recipe which includes little else than topping the completed porridge with slices of 18 different kinds of fruit, a pinch of ground nuts and finishing it off with a drizzle of honey every single time. It’s even worse trying to find interesting recipes that use steel-cut oats, because it seems like steel-cuts are “lower on the glycheminicxnin index” or something like that and are “therefore better for you” so the only people writing recipes for them are young women in exercise apparel who clearly have no real interest in cooking and scientists citing statistics on how those who consume steel-cut oats are something something healthier than you are. How boring…
I love to cook, and I’m more interested in taste than nutrition. I like porridge for its taste and the fact that it’s versatile, filling, and a great way to practice garnishing and presentation in the morning. The fact that it’s easy and healthy is absolutely irrelevant to me. And honestly, oatmeal is only “healthier” because people generally add fresh fruit and it doesn’t contain any added sugar. So while I disagree with the health nuts, I am however grateful that they got me started with cooking, I just wish they’d shut up about the health benefits already, all I want is an interesting way to cook my steel-cuts. Like Jamie Oliver, I want to cook porridge simply “because we love it”. So first off, let’s talk about oats…
The oat is a species of cereal grain which is grown for it’s seed which is what you buy in the grocery store and cook for breakfast (they’re also commonly used as feed for livestock, because they’re so healthy, and certainly not because they’re cheap and very sustainable to produce.) They can be bought in many different varieties, like rolled oats, steel-cut oats, large oats, etc. Just keep in mind that it’s the same god damn oat with the same god damn nutritional value. Steel-cuts have been processed the least, yes, but the other varieties have simply been processed (and the process is very natural) so that the average human being who doesn’t have 30 minutes to make breakfast in the morning can cook them quicker. So speaking of the varieties, let’s get into that, bearing in mind that it’s still the same oat.
Oat groats are oats in their purest, most unprocessed form. So pure in fact, that unless you grow oats yourself you probably won’t have access to these. Forget about trying to cook them.
Steel-cuts are the variety most popular in Ireland and most commonly advocated by scientists and gym rats. So that aside, this is the tastiest variety, in my opinion as someone who cooks as a hobby/ passion. I truly enjoy the taste and texture of these ones compared to the others, however, these ones also take the longest to cook. The cooking method is the same, it just takes longer. This is why most breakfast recipes you’ll find for these involve the use of a crockpot or a slowcooker, but that’s no fun…
Rolled-oats, sometimes referred to as porridge oats are the most common variety you’ll find in North America and the rest of the UK (excluding Ireland). Ideal for the morning person since they cook the quickest (minus the microwavable varieties which should just be avoided for a multitude of reasons) and they’re healthy enough to be advocated by literally every dummy who buys them. They taste good too, did you know? Of course you didn’t, nobody seems to care about the taste anymore. You’ll also find some sub-varieties of rolled oats like quick oats, which are just rolled-oats that are cut into smaller flakes, and instant oats which have been cut into even smaller flakes than quick oats. And when it comes to rolled-oats, the smaller they are, the faster they’ll cook. However, larger flakes do tend to taste better despite taking longer. It just goes to show you, the more time and effort you put into something, the tastier your porridge will be! Speaking of time and effort…
Cooking the oats, no matter their cut is the same deal: Bring oats in liquid to a boil with a pinch of salt, reduce heat to medium, cook until the liquid is no longer oozy/ watery. The liquid to oat ratio is different for each variety. I say liquid because some people use milk (this can include milk substitutes like almond milk) instead of water, or a combination of the two, but the ratio remains pretty constant no matter what you do. More information on liquids can be found under the notes at the bottom of this post.
For steel-cuts, the serving per person is 1/4 cups of oats to 1 cup of liquid. (1:4)
For rolled-oats, the serving per person is 1/3 cups of oats to 1 cup of liquid. (1:3)
You may see some people suggest 1/2 cups of oats to 1 cup of liquid, but if you’re going to bump up the portion size then you should also maintain the 1:3 ratio and use 1&1/2 cups of water. Just trust me, it makes the porridge less gluey and much creamier. At this point, you pretty much throw in anything you have. Fruits, honey, nuts, poppyseeds, jam, cocoa powder, chocolate, the possibilities are pretty much endless. So now, let’s put this into our classic recipe format:
Ingredients per serving
1/4 cup steel-cut oats or 1/3 cup rolled oats*
1 cup water or milk**
a pinch of salt***
This serves as the base for our porridge. Like most starches, this is what you’d call a “carrier of flavours.” Although toppings are where your own creativity is supposed to come into play, since this is a beginner’s guide I will be listing all the toppings I have used and liked. However, it’ll be up to you to come up with all the good combinations. (or you could cheat and look up more specific, non-generic porridge recipes. I do sometimes…)
List of potential toppings:
Bananas, mash them and stir them in for a very powerful natural sweetener that negates the need to add sugar. You can also slice them and use them as a topping.
Berries, (blackberries, blueberries, raspberries, strawberries, etc) caramelized and squished a little in a pan with a bit of brown sugar, although if the fruit is really fresh and sweet the sugar isn’t too necessary.
Apples and/or peaches, either diced and added in raw or cooked with a bit of butter and cinnamon in a separate pan.
Brown sugar, sprinkled on top of the hot oats and set aside to melt for a minute or two.
Honey, drizzled on and stirred in.
Flaxseeds, freshly ground and stirred in near the end of the cooking stage of the oats (when there’s still a bit of liquid left with the oats because the flaxseeds tend to absorb quite a bit of liquid making the porridge go all dry).
Poppyseeds, freshly ground and stirred in near the end of the cooking stage of the oats.
Raw cacao nibs, stirred into the hot oats.
Jelly, jam or marmalade, as a topping.
Chocolate, thrown in near the end of the cooking stage of the oats and melted, then stirred until evenly combined.
Cocoa powder, sprinkled in near the end of the cooking stage of the oats, then stirred until evenly combined.
Butter, used to toast the oats briefly on medium heat before adding the liquid.
A splash of milk, used to loosen the porridge up a little bit near the end.
Crème fraîche, sour cream or yogurt, dolloped onto the hot oats with a pinch of freshly grated nutmeg.
Nuts, any kind you like (almonds, cashews, walnuts, etc), crushed, chopped, or whole and stirred into the oats.
Goji berries, cranberries or raisins, simply stirred in either during or after the cooking of the oats.
Peanut butter or any nut butter, dolloped on and stirred in. Combine it with a banana and/or jam for my personal favourite.
Cheese, grated on top and set aside to melt.
Egg yolks, cracked in and cooked into the porridge near the end to add a bit of richness, and protein if you beat the white and add it as well.
Lemon/orange/lemon zest, cooked with the oats.
Shredded coconut, stirred into the hot oats.
Pumpkin or butternut squash, puréed and mixed into the hot oats. You can also dice and oven-roast them instead.
Vanilla extract, a drop or two if it compliments the other toppings you have.
And this barely even scratches the surface… the toppings are literally endless. Others do more savoury toppings like fried eggs, bacon, ham… be creative! And once you get bored of using oats for porridge you can look into oatmeal cookies, oatmeal pancakes (grinding up the oats and using them as a substitute for flour), homemade granola bars, muesli, etc.
1. Add oats with a pinch of salt to a saucepan. Pour on your liquid (water or milk, or a combination), turn the heat up to high, then when it starts to bubble turn the heat down to medium and cook stirring occasionally until the liquid disappears from the top.****
2. Take any desired toppings, prepare them however you want to and add them into the porridge however you want, then serve however you want.
*Use steel-cuts or rolled oats, but not quick-oats or instant oats. The differences are explained above.
**I actually prefer to use water when it comes to oats; you don’t really need milk. They release their natural starches when cooked and it really thickens up the porridge to a nice creamy consistency, so I prefer to save my milk for more important things where milk actually does make a significant difference. Use milk if you want, but pay close attention to the pot and make sure it doesn’t boil over, otherwise you’ll have quite the mess to clean up. And say goodbye to that pot, too. (I’m talking from experience, take my word for it.)
***This is much more important than I let on. If you don’t add enough salt, your oats will taste like nothing. Do some experimenting and figure out how big of a pinch you need.
****Timings may vary, but it’s around 10-15 minutes for rolled oats and 20-30 minutes for steel-cut oats. Quick-oats would take about 3-5 minutes.
And that’s all there is to it. No, do not boil the water first before adding the oats; the oats release their starches resulting in a much creamier consistency if they’re brought up to temperature with the liquid instead of being dropped into boiling water.
Below you’ll find a handful of pictures I have taken of my oatmeals over the last year or so. Although oatmeal is a great way to practice presentation skills in the morning, I don’t usually bother making it look too nice, since it’s oatmeal, and nothing special.
(Note to self: Did I just write 2200 words about oatmeal? This better help people…)
Chili was one of the earlier things on my bucket list when I was first learning how to cook. At first I wanted a Texas-style beanless chili recipe for the purpose of being more “authentic”, but then I realised I’m not a Southerner, and I’m not really passionate about keeping Southern recipes authentic. Also I like beans, so I decided “screw it” and just went for a nice beanie chili. So the first chili recipe I tried was Chef John’s beef, bean and beer chili recipe, which was amazing and I highly recommend it to everyone who loves beef, beans and beer, but since then I’ve made plenty of other chili pots without following any recipes in particular. I’ve done vegetarian chilis before too. Later I became friends with a fellow cook who says “Chili is something you make when you want to make room in your pantry and freezer.” and there is quite a bit of truth to that… So now every time I make chili, I use it as an opportunity to get rid non-perishables I don’t want to see anymore. Especially dry beans and spices, and oftentimes frozen vegetables.
What most chili recipes have in common is the spices; a large handful of them appear in many different recipes, and chili all comes down to tasting and adjusting the spices until it’s perfect to your taste. So for this post, I won’t be giving an exact recipe with precise ingredient amounts, but rather I want to teach you how to chili, essentially. I’ll be giving out a bunch of commonly used chili ingredients, all of which are optional, even the beans are optional if you want to go southern-style. However, you do need chili powder, whether it’s ancho, chipotle, or even kashmiri. Most people seem to prefer ancho though, especially for chili pots. You can also make your own chili powder blend. And once you know how to chili, you can go on to creating your own personal chili recipes and sharing them! Or keep it as your secret recipe if it really is that amazing. Whatever you prefer!
I’ve been avoiding attempting a Scotch/American pancake recipe for awhile because most pictures always present it as a huge portion that could probably feed a family of 6, and I tend to avoid not only promoting but also eating big portions especially for breakfast, but seeing as pancake day is just around the corner I figured I’d come up with and share my own pancake recipe, albeit with a more reasonable portion size. Now don’t get me wrong, I LOVE pancakes, I just don’t like how you have to make so many at once!
(Pronunciation: “Kah-kah-osh Chee-gaw”)
Although the translation for this is actually “cocoa snails”, I figured since some people aren’t a fan of escargot I’d put “cocoa rolls” in the title instead.
Jokes aside, these baked sweets are common in Hungary, similar to cinnamon rolls, but with cocoa powder instead of cinnamon. Cocoa rolls are generally larger than cinnamon rolls since the dough is rolled out much more thinly which makes space for more filling. These also don’t include that deliciously rich cream cheese glaze that cinnamon rolls usually come drizzled in… But then again, this is my website, and today we’re doing cocoa rolls! ＼(＾O＾)／
So I was in the kitchen experimenting again, just like when I came up with that Garlic Shrimp Spaghetti à la Béchamel dish. Although this time instead of testing the efficacy of almond milk in a béchamel sauce, my goal was to 1. Learn how to cook scallops and 2. Practice making sauces, in general.
Tejberizs… milchreis… Arroz con leche… Riz au lait… Rice pudding…?
In case you didn’t catch that; pretty much every language names this dish “Rice & Milk”, or something along those lines, except English, where for some reason it’s a pudding. I guess that’s because pudding is not really considered breakfast food in the western world, but dessert rather. However in many European countries, what English calls “rice pudding” is actually a porridge/cereal-like dish, served warm and is very commonly eaten for breakfast, especially by children. I know I used to eat it a lot when I was baby. (´･ω･`)
So if you know me, you’ll probably know I’m not too big on the olive oil craze. I know perfectly well that around 70% of supermarket olive oils are fake (my first bottle turned out to be over 50% sunflower oil) and yet even olive oil that I know to be real was always just “okay” for me.
Overall, I’m pretty sick of how olive oil is being treated like some sort of medicine for cancer and how we have fat women standing at these olive oil sampling stations telling me that saturated fat is bad for me and it’ll clog my arteries and that I should stop eating butter (this actually happened). However, this most recent occurrence was a little bit different…
Tejbegríz, semolina porridge, semolina pudding, Grießkoch, Grießbrei, griesmeelpap, mannagrynsgröt, and sometimes “Cream of Wheat”, this is a porridge dish commonly eaten for breakfast in Europe, especially by children, and sometimes as a dessert in both Europe and outside of Europe.
All these different names and regional variations are confusing… I actually used to think this was a Hungarian dish because my mother used to make it for me for breakfast when I was a kid, and so I grew up thinking it came from Hungary because it was called tejbegríz and we never called it anything else. Turns out it’s a type of porridge; very similar to grits or polenta, except it uses semolina instead of cornmeal. In fact, outside of the US, grits is referred to as semolina with no distinction between the type of grain unless explicitly specified. This is way too confusing and so I’ll stop talking about it. Let’s keep things simple… A rose by any other name, this dish is made from semolina; the coarse, purified wheat middlings of durum wheat used to make Italian pasta, commonly enriched and packaged as a hot breakfast cereal in North America under the name “Cream of Wheat”. (´･ω･`)